Why the Stix


This Blog is in response to Naomi who asked how I ended up choosing this lifestyle (#lifeinthestix as I have tagged it in the spirit of staying hip to the jargon of our bizarre cyber-nauseating times). For those who don't know, 8 or so years ago I bought a chunk of land on a hillside in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont, and for 6 years or so, my boys and I have lived here. Off the grid. Off the land. As self-sufficiently as we can manage, and thank goodness for kind hearted neighbors and locals with know-how and good old fashioned Vermont ingenuity who have helped us get by on numerous tenuous occasions. The first summer I lived up here, alone for a few months with the boys away for the summer, I did start to journal the experience; but, as the life became overwhelmingly full I didn't get much past the first two or three entries. If you are really intrigued by my story though, you can still find those early day entries here:



About the Songs


This one is for Nikki, my oldest friend here on the Blog Block, dating back to middle school, late '80s in Ashland, OR (if you read prior post you might recall that Oregon was my mother's last ditch attempt to settle us down to a "normal" Americana lifestyle)... so, Nikki asked about the songwriting process...

It's a funny thing coming into this lime light so far into my life, in my ripe middle age, I feel like an amateur and an old hand (or hag) all at once. My journey through music has been a windy, bumpy, curvaceous and hazardous road. I spent much of my life choosing to bare right and skip along the alternate route, shying away from music to play in the theatre, training my voice for acting, tuning my body for stage movement. i did play classical flute all throughout my childhood (as Nikki recalls from our days in the middle school marching band where we concocted a fantastical horror script about a possessed flute that became a gruesome instrument of torture and death). The classical training was wonderful for learning how to read music, gaining a deep appreciation for classical composers which my father and I spent many a time discussing and comparing notes about. The flip side to studying music in that way for 13 years was that I became constricted and came to fear the music that exists between the lines, or off the page and unwritten. I lost any ability to improvise through music, in prisoned by technicality. I already suffered some massive hang ups around music given the perceived pressure of my genetic predisposition to live and breathe great music, so the technical training in classical playing became a kind of cage. I lost my sense of play. As a kid, my best friend Nabou and I would write pop songs with choreographed dance routines. I dreamed that when I was old enough (like 16), I would take my boom box out on the metros and sing for coins (yes, this was like a high reaching goal for me, I thought it would be the coolest thing ever)... but, by the time I reached my teens, I was petrified to express myself in that way. Instead, I embraced the comfort of diving into a character in a play where Ariel could completely disappear and become anyone else.

Fast forward, will get to the question at hand here, I promise... After a decade and then some of marriage, becoming "adult", home ownership, birthing the twins, running businesses, divorce, love and losses... in other words: LIFE... suddenly, SONGS began to emerge. It was a bit like there had been a slow burning pressure cooker running in the background for 30 something years of my life, and the little pressure valve that lets the steam out was finally whistling dixie. I kind of didn't chose it, it was just time for it to happen. And, I stopped fighting it or running away from it. Mind you, it was and still is a terrifying part of me to expose publicly. The writing comes easy, for the most part, but sharing it or playing the songs for other live human beings is daunting. Still.

So... songwriting. Since that was the question. How do I come up with songs... it depends, of course. I would say that most often it is a word or a phrase that flicks and sticks in my brain. That word or phrase emerges out of whatever is going on in my inner world, my heart, mind and soul wrestling to sort out whatever life has served up at that time. I know it when it happen, like a dart hitting the bull's eye. Zing! Then the mad dash to make sure to hold onto the word, or the phrase before it evaporates and I lose it (as Nikki mentioned in her comment, yes this happens, and it sucks!). It very frequently happens when I am driving, probably because that is when I am sitting still and my mind is free to ruminate. So then I scramble at the wheel to find a scrap of paper and jot it down somewhere. There are many little scraps of papers, receipts, napkins, whatever floating around like this and they don't always make it into the house where I then merge them into my various notebooks filled with chicken scratch lyrics and chord progressions. When I eventually find the time, and sometimes it's months from the initial lightning strike, if I have managed to save that scrappy seed of a song, I will sit down to write the rest. Sometimes I just write the lyrics out all at once, then pick up a guitar and see if I can get it to fit to some progression of chords. If guitar doesn't work, I take it to the piano and try that. I do not consider myself to be a musician, a guitarist or a pianist, still. I know music inherently, but my skill to play piano or guitar is akin to the basic knowledge that you must hit the nail on the head with the hammer. Rudimentary. works!

Once in a while, the idea, or word, or phrase strikes me like a tidal wave and I cannot concentrate on anything else until I find the time to swim my way back to shore by writing it out as quickly as possible before it drowns me. Then it's a mad frenzy to make space and time for myself, because I cannot do this process when I am with other humans, especially my kids, so I can purge the damn thing from my guts and get it on paper. Like birthing an alien, that then is a cute gremlin that you want to love and care for... weird analogy, but that's just what came out right here and now and I am just going to let it be.

There are some times when I come up with a lick on the guitar or the piano that I like, and the words then follow suit. Sometimes. Less frequently. I imagine if I was more fluent in my ability to play the instruments that would happen more. Truth be told, I have no intention of ever becoming a great guitarist or pianist, I have accepted that will never be "my thing". I do not want to spend 10 hours a day practicing scales until I have the muscle memory to channel the gods through my playing. I absolutely love and admire those who have that ability and will seek them out to put the magic to my songs. Good to discover where our talents lay and accept where they do not, one of the sweet grains of wisdom that comes with getting older.

So.... that's about the gist of it? Interesting process to write out how you write... thanks for asking, Nikki :)

The Detangler was the first song that I wrote intentionally, like "ok, I am writing a song now, cuz this is something I do" kind of intention... here is the produced version from Pepperbox Studios, and I will also include my original home recorded experimental version below.


Knaves & Dupes


Since it is that day of the year when many, nay most, Americans are waving flags and eating hot dogs, standing in the sweltering heat to watch the parades go by main street, drinking beers by the pool or on the beach, feeling proud to be "free"... since it is that day in July when the country boasts proudly how great it is to be independent and free in the land of the brave... since it is the 4th of July, Independence Day, I will do as my mother suggested and write about my childhood which was decidedly unconventional and UN-american, and which explains how I came to be the nay-sayer party pooper of Flag and Country hoopla that I am today.


Blog #2: We are here and growing!


As I stated in the first blog, I have no planned intention with this business of blogging except to keep a means for free communication with friends old and new, known in person or on line, far and wide OPEN and available. Thus you can imagine my absolute delight with each and every one of you that has tuned in and taken a moment to read and write a comment! Truly fantastic!! Just what I need to keep the momentum going to keep writing. Seems a much better use of time than the mindless thumb scrolling I regretfully find myself doing several times a day. I peruse the feeds when I have a lull, a moment of down time. I can recall a time not so long ago when we didn't have news feeds to scroll (and calling them "news feeds" seems a grave misrepresentation of what they really are), which meant that in our free time we might talk to the person we were with, or read a chapter in a printed book, or listen to music, or just observe our surroundings, observe the REAL world around us happening in REAL time. What does it mean that we are losing the genuine experience of existing in the spontaneity of whatever IS? What will my sons grow up to be like, I often wonder. They spend so much of their days and nights interacting with their screens and literally missing life's drama which is unfolding all around them. Clueless. Or careless. Or both. It can give me nightmares if I let it.

But I digress...

So, here we are! Hello! Thank you for joining me here! What should we discuss? The one thing about "blogging" is it feels so one sided. I feel like the spotlight is on me to keep things interesting enough to be worth all of our time. Additionally feels presumptuous to assume anyone needs or wants to read my thoughts spewed out publicly... but then again, y'all are here and have said some encouraging and supportive things. Therefore, I am compelled to do my very best!

What should we discuss? Comment below with topics, questions, your own perspectives. Maybe it will inspire some brilliant writings out of me... or lead to good discussions in the thread. Only one rule, let us SPEAK OUR MINDS FREELY. After all, that's what got us here.

Doesn't feel complete without a picture, so here is one from my childhood...way back in the days when cell phones didn't exist, no one had computers at home, and when you left your house with it's land line telephone and TV with an antennae, you interacted with the people you crossed paths with... (that's me on the far right)


Freedom to Blog


Hello to whomever has landed here... How did you land here? I imagine that I am typing into a vast void of receptive readers, but perhaps you will prove me mistaken! How jolly fun that would be to see that someone minds my activities on-line enough to have made their way onto this very first blog page on my very own (well, under the managerial custody of HostBaby) website...


This is a test.

(in case that wasn't already obvious)


I have not planned what I will blog about. The impetus to create a blog space of my very own has been triggered by my recently being silenced on the FaceBook platform. FB has not yet banned me permanently, but if the battle continues on as it has now for several weeks, then I suspect FB and I will sever ties soon enough. What a freedom! Look here, it is already motivating me to write out this blog! Which meant I first had to take the time to research how to even blog, which for this luddite took a fair amount of time (thankfully, it is a rainy day, good reason to take time in computer land). The reason FB has deemed my input worthy enough to BLOCK/CENSOR/SILENCE is scandalous, or ought to be in my book. I re-posted a beautiful pictorial article on a tribe of people living in the Sudan. The photographs illustrate moments in time of these people living off their piece of the earth, in symbiotic harmony. The photographers Carol Beckwith and Angela Fisher spent over 30 years taking photos of ceremonies, rituals and the daily life of African tribal peoples. I strongly suggest anyone who is not familiar to check it out, beauty to behold . I cannot conceive a legitimate reason why these photos would be banned except for the blind-sighted power grab of a neo-conservative type of bigoted censorship system. FaceBook claims the images go against their "Community Standards of nudity and sexual content" which in my view makes them the perverts and sheltered idiots...

In any case...that battle has led me to here. Where I hope I and anyone out there who lands here and wants to join in the conversation can discuss such ideas, lifestyles, customs and cultures FREELY. So, this blog is a form of resistance. I am not yet sure it will work or pan out or create anything meaningful...but here's to trying!